monthly simlits, august 2018
september 3rd, 20xx,
i’m writing this in hopes of gathering my thoughts. everything is mixed up, fuzzy and far away.
i guess if i were to put it simply, i’m fucking my neighbor’s wife.
or i was, because i can’t really tell if i still am. much of last night is a blur to me, but i woke up to a broken mirror and an empty bed, a tell-tale sign that something went wrong. the memory is slippery, but i feel like if i reach out for it, it will slide in between my fingers, revealing nothing. one thing is certain, in the midst of it all. one thing still rings true, after all the pain i’ve been through the past year, there is one wound that will forever haunt me.
we should’ve never met. it was by complete accident, a fraction of a second making a lifetime of difference. she was one of those stay-at-home trophy wives, the ones wearing lululemon pants and oversized chanel glasses, going jogging before brunch with her equally privileged girlfriends. her type was a dime a dozen in my new neighborhood. turns out the mother i barely knew all these years decided to leave me her house and fortune in a cookie-cutter suburb outside of the city. i decorated my room and left the rest untouched–it was weird to think of her actually living here. so i wandered outside and ran into her, literally.
can people look that beautiful while working out? she wasn’t even sweating, just glowing like a damn angel, her cheeks flushed from exertion. her beautiful blue eyes widened as we collided, tumbling face first right on top of me. lord, she even smelled like an angel. nothing like the cheap perfume i had back home. (although, i suppose i could afford to smell like aphrodite now.) don’t even get me started on her body. it was pure sin. i could feel her toned muscles through her workout clothes, her skin soft and supple. and dear god, is she running in gucci shoes-
“i’m so sorry,” she blurted out, scrambling to get off of me. “i didn’t see you, i guess i was just daydreaming or something. are you alright?”
it took me a solid few seconds to realize i was gawking at her, mouth open like a fish. “yeah,” i answered suddenly, dusting off my jeans. “no big deal. sorry i was in your way.”
she beamed. “are you new to the neighborhood?”
i kicked a stray rock on the path, not meeting her eyes. “yeah, i guess.”
“well, i’m naomi,” she stuck her hand out, and i moved to shake it. “it’s nice to meet you. i’m sorry it was under these circumstances. i live down the road. you should come by sometime!”
this woman was magnetic. “um,” i breathed, but then she was waving at me and taking off down the sidewalk, presumably to finish her jog.
i had been feeling empty for some time. floating from place to place, hoping to fill the void with anything as i sank into an endless ocean.
but meeting her felt like an anchor.
she’s leading some neighborhood barbecue the next time i see her.
turns out her husband is loaded, and involved with the chamber of commerce, and they make gigantic donations to the city every year. they put on a really good show, a dutiful husband and wife who are equally invested in their community are presented to us, but i can tell. the way she moves around him instead of towards him, her winning smile pressed into a thin line whenever they talk alone. maybe it’s creepy to observe her in such a way, but anyone can tell that they weren’t happy.
and i wasn’t happy, either. nothing kept my attention. i didn’t have to work, my mother took care of that. if i was really strapped for cash, i could just sell the house, but i was smart with my money.
“tori,” i hear my name being called, and i turn to naomi making a beeline for me. she automatically pulls me into a hug, and i think i have a heart attack right then and there. she seats us across from each other at the nearest picnic table. “i didn’t think i’d see you here, doesn’t really seem like your scene.”
i give her a half smile because it’s definitely not my scene, but i was hoping to see her. “yeah, i just um…had nothing better to do, so.”
naomi dramatically fake gasps. “but darling, aren’t there people crawling all over you? you’re gorgeous, just look at you.”
i flush under her praise. “thanks.”
she smiles. “don’t take this the wrong way, dear, but i think you need to get laid.”
yeah, and i hope it’s with you, i think miserably. “it has been awhile.”
naomi just giggles.
i had to see her.
she’s shocked, it’s written all over her face, and then her beautiful features go from confusion to anger, it’s so barely concealed i feel like i might singe myself if i even dare to look her way, and setting her kid’s paintings on the wall on fire.
i rake my eyes over her features. she’s clearly just rolled out of bed, her hair mussed looking like it needs pulled– wearing knee-highs because of course she wears sin on sin to bed. she looks good enough to eat, and yet here i starve.
“what are you doing here,” she whispers dangerously, “do you know what time it is?”
“yeah,” i rasp, “but i had to see you.”
her features soften. i take that as my cue.
“i’ve been thinking about you non-stop, naomi. i can’t even breathe. it’s like you’ve rooted your way into my lungs and i barely know you.” because she has, and she’s suffocating me.
“i,” she starts, stops, then composes herself. “i’m too old for you.”
i roll my eyes. “you’re making excuses.”
“maybe. but it’s over, isn’t it?”
we don’t speak after that. she pulls me into a hug and then follows me home,and we end up in bed, and it’s just as sweet and earth-shattering as i had imagined it would be. just because she’s twenty years older than me doesn’t mean she isn’t still beautiful, and that’s proven to me as i slide my fingers over her hips, across her toned abdomen, down her perfect thighs.
it feels like heaven. it feels like home. it makes me feel like i have a purpose, and it’s to worship her.
our affair comes to an end a few months later.
we knew we were living on borrowed time. she didn’t have the guts to leave her husband, and i didn’t have the guts to do anything about it.
and then my house was ransacked and she disappeared out of my life forever.
misery is my new company. i can’t even bring myself to eat, let alone function normally. i think my one fatal flaw, or my only trait, is that i loved too much and lost myself along the way. my clean slate has been painted by naomi. it just took too long to realize that love would, in the end, destroy me.
months go by. i get thinner. i stop going outside. life passes without me. i think it’s been a year since i’ve seen her.
until i hear a knock at my door. i answer, and there she is in all her glory, looking downtrodden but still beautiful.
“i left him,” is all she says, staring at me.
“oh,” i whisper.
“you’re so thin,” she mumbles. “may i come in?”
and just like that, loves blooms back in my chest, and i find that my fatal flaw might just actually be the answer.
September 3rd, 20xx,
if there’s one thing i know, love becomes us.
So yeaaaaahhhh i decided to not do the super sad route like i usually do? even though there’s still angst? idk lol.
if you need clarification, tori is 20 and naomi is 40. and yes i know their relationship is toxic, but this was mostly a character study between these two and i’m pretty pleased with the results. basically tori loves too much, gets a bit obsessive, but has no interest in anything else because of her obsession, so that’s her defining trait. she’s a young adult. i’m 20. i’m also extremely obsessive over my manz. okay? okay.
anyways, i’m rambling, thank you for reading ❤